Matters of the Heart

“You don’t always have to hold your head higher than your heart” - Jack Johnson

When it comes to love, most people have experienced the feeling of receiving different messages from their head and their heart. There is no right answer as to which one you should follow - ultimately it depends on the unique set of circumstances surrounding your situation. You should, however, be aware that sometimes you need to trust in your heart over what your head tells you.

A personal example from my own life is my relationship with my wife. She is Canadian and I am Australian, and we met at a time when a relationship was the last thing on my mind. I had just come out of a long term relationship and I was enjoying the freedom of traveling in a foreign country with no responsibilities. Upon meeting we quickly became very close, but I had to endure my mind telling me, “Don’t get too serious as there is no way this relationship will last”. It is true that we have had more obstacles to overcome than your typical couple, but we trusted in our hearts and have made the relationship work.

My point here is that the mind will often focus on reasons why a relationship won’t work rather than why it might. These may be valid reasons, but you should treat them very carefully and not be afraid to follow your heart on occasions.

Analysis Paralysis

“The maxim ‘nothing but perfection’ may be spelled ‘paralysis’.” - Winston Churchill

Golfers will be familiar with the concept “analysis paralysis”. Basically it involves over-thinking the correct way to hit the golf ball, and usually results in a poor shot due to the natural rhythm of the stroke being lost.

Analysis paralysis is not limited to golf. It can appear anywhere in life where action is required. In my younger days I experienced it when I wanted to approach someone of interest, but was unable to because my mind overanalyzed the situation. Uncontrolled thoughts would race through my mind, such as “what will she say?” or “what if she ignores me or says no?”. I never found out the answer to those questions because I didn’t get to ask them. My thoughts had, in effect, paralysed me.

I have also experienced analysis paralysis with university assignments, work projects and, yes, even blogging. Instead of just getting on with what needs to get done, often I will get bogged down with minor details, tweaks, research… anything really that keeps me from the main task at hand.

If you feel analysis paralysis is something you struggle with, you need to work on silencing your mind. The best way I have found to do this is to practice meditation. If you are interested in learning to meditate, I recommend reading one of our most popular articles: 4 Powerful Reasons to Meditate and How To Get Started.

Possessed By Your Mind

“Most people are so completely identified with the voice in the head - the incessant stream of involuntary and compulsive thinking and the emotions that accompany it - that we may describe them as being possessed by their mind.” - Eckhart Tolle

Many of us are all too familiar with the incessant stream that Tolle describes in the above passage. I know once was. It is, of course, natural to have thoughts continually arise in your mind. The problem occurs, however, when we become fully identified with these thoughts.

If you are familiar with Eckhart Tolle, you will know that one of his teachings is that we human beings are not our thoughts, but rather the awareness that perceives our thoughts. The key then to not being possessed by our mind should be obvious: awareness.

You can start to cultivate awareness today by slowing down and paying attention to what you are experiencing in the present moment, rather than letting your mind live in the past or the future. Avoid simply labeling people or things. For example, if you see a bird don’t simply attach the label of “bird” to it and then look away. Instead, take a moment to just observe it and appreciate the complex simplicity of nature.

* * *

In this article I have surveyed some ways in which thinking can potentially ruin your life. Perhaps it gets in the way of true love, stops you from taking action or completely possesses your mind. There is obviously a lot more to say on these topics than what can be discussed here, but rest assured that if these are areas you struggle with, and you can begin to bring awareness to them, you will begin down the path to controlling your thoughts, and in turn your life.

Since this article is about “thinking”, I would love to hear your thoughts about anything discussed in this article in the comments below.

Peter is editor of Pick The Brain and founder of The Change Blog. Images courtesy of Fabbio and Jurvetson.

Link Karma

Here are a few articles that I have recently enjoyed:

5 Signs You’ve Married Your Problems (and How to Divorce Them) - Jonathan Mead

Mind vs. Brain Part I: We Are Only Human - The Financial Philosopher

3 Simple Steps to Kindle Your Inner Fire - Success Soul

Making Your Dreams Come True - Effortless Abundance

Think Like Leonardo Da Vinci - Marelisa Online

Reality Check: Are You Doing What It Takes to Get Ahead in Life? - My Super-Charged Life

Catalysts of Creativity - Be Playful

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

Baby Boomers Vs Generation X and Y

Each generation defines itself by its definition of success. For men and women that grew up during the Great Depression and then survived World War II, starting a family, keeping house and maintaining relationships with friends and neighbors were the ultimate goals. Societal norms of decorum and privacy influenced their children, who grew up during the 1970s when free love became the new standard of success. Breaking the bonds of societal norms meant that you had “made it.” The 1980s and 1990s were marked by excess in everything. Boomers and their children defined success in the most materialistic of ways. Big houses, fancy cars, big hair, and flashy jewelry were the new status symbols. Everyone worked hard and played even harder. With the turn of the last century, many have begun to reflect on the true nature of success.

Dropping Out and Heading Up

Today, amidst over-packed schedules, SAT score obsessing parents, and badge-of-honor college acceptance letters, some are pausing to reflect on what they truly want out of life and how to get it. Rather than staying on the part hamster wheel, part Stairmaster of the corporate ladder, many are re-assessing, re-organizing and dropping out of the median flow. They are forging their own paths. To these people, success is a state of mind, and to achieve it, one must know where one is going. They know they have achieved success when they realize self-actualization, the highest state of being on Maslows’s Hierarchy of Needs. At this state, one experiences creativity, morality, acceptance, spontaneity, and being all that one can be.

The following are stories of success in this vein. They are stories of real people who overcame odds, re-arranged their lives, and headed in the direction that made the most sense to them, internally, and beyond the reach of the judgments of others.

The World’s Oldest First Grader

Alferd Williams, 70, was featured recently in People Magazine and had a trip to the Oprah Winfrey Show. What is Alferd’s claim to fame? He is one of the world’s oldest first graders. He grew up as the son of sharecroppers in Tennessee. Needing “all hands on deck” to grow and harvest cotton, Alferd never learned to read. While caring for a neighbor’s children, walking them back and forth to school in 2006, he happened upon schoolteacher Alesia Hamilton. She discovered that he could not read and asked him if he would like help from a local literacy agency. He wanted to learn from her, and together they arranged for that to happen. Alferd has served as a volunteer in Hamilton’s first grade class since 2007, helping and learning along with the children. During several interviews over the past few months, Williams has described an entire new world opening up to him since learning to read. He enjoys going to the grocery store and selecting his own food, knowing that he will like what he chooses, or at least knows what it is.

Alferd is not a corporate CEO. Nor will he cure cancer. But he has found success. He has started to achieve something that he always wanted to achieve, and has inspired others. One foot in front of the other, one word at a time, he has achieved success.

Three Cups of Tea

Greg Mortenson did not begin his life with the goal to change the lives of thousands of women in Pakistan and Afghanistan. He began his life in Minnesota. The son of missionaries, he grew up on the slopes of Mt. Kilimanjaro, served in the military and attended the University of South Dakota. In 1993, spurred by the untimely death of his sister, Mortenson embarked on a climb of Pakistan’s K2 mountain, the second highest mountain in the world. He did not make it to the top, experiencing bitter defeat for what was supposed to be a climb in tribute for his sister. He left his group during the descent and ended up, ill, in a small village of Pakistan. The villagers nursed him back to health. While there, he discovered that the children of the village had no school, books or teachers. He left, promising to return and build a school.

Upon returning to the United States, Mortenson began his fundraising quest. Nobody took him seriously until school children from Wisconsin donated $623 in pennies to his cause. He sold everything he had, raising only $2,000, and went back to Pakistan to begin his project. Mortenson has succeeded where almost every other American has been unable to. In the areas of the world where Americans are feared and hated, he has built over 50 schools that teach 24,000 students a year. He began his life wandering around. He discovered a purpose and followed it against every obstacle thrown in his path. He has achieved success. Not because his book about his experiences Three Cups of Tea is an international best seller. He has achieved success because he felt conviction to help a cause, inspired others to join him and has elevated the lives of thousands of people.

Worlds Apart, yet United in Vision

Alferd Williams and Greg Mortenson could not be more different, yet they each have achieved a level of success that most would only dream of. Each happened upon a life-changing opportunity, embraced it, became it and ran with it. Each has made a difference in their own life and has touched the life of others. Neither is on the Fortune 500 list and neither lives in a penthouse on Fifth Avenue, but each has achieved a level of success that permeates every level of being and extends to the world beyond.

You Define Your Own Success

Today success is the act of forging your own path, discovering the world, and finding meaning in unique, personal endeavors. Success is not necessarily achievement of a pre-ordained, planned path of success. Greatness can be found by stepping off the beaten path and choosing your own way. Success for an individual is as they define it, and nothing else.

Steve Goldberg is the creator of The Opus Movie Community, a social network of goal oriented people inspired by The Opus movie, who passionately live life to its fullest potential.

Images from Jason Rogers and Wisdom Portal.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

The winning side - what is that exactly? To me, it is taking the appropriate courses of action (or inaction, as the case may be) to ensure we are affiliated with successful people and successful groups. One of the things I’ve learned over the past year is that if you want to be successful, you must be associated with successful people.

How did I learn this? The hard way, of course. Over the past 7 years I’ve had to do a lot of networking, both socially and in business. In fact, when I first moved to Arizona in 2002, I didn’t know a soul (except for a few relatives). By identifying successful people and attempting to network with them, I began to meet successful people in Arizona. In other words, I identified the side I needed to be on and then joined it. That is how I became successful in Arizona.

Over the past year, I have expanded my network even more. I realized that if I only associated with people in Arizona, I was cutting myself off from the rest of the country and the rest of the world. After much thought, I did a nationwide driving tour. In a 2 month time period, I visited over 30 states, spoke with over 80 highly successful people and drove 10,292 miles. Since that time, I’ve written a book about the journey and the people (which should be out in the next few months) and expanded my network. All this started by me identifying the winning side and then taking my stand there.

How You Can Learn To Be On The Winning Side

Probably the best way to make sure you’re on the winning side most of the time is to develop the ability to identify the right people and observe them. Watch their actions and learn from them.

As you observe their actions and learn from them, you are positioning yourself to take advantage of the three best ways to affiliate yourself with the winning side. Those three ways are:

1. Being lucky;
2. Doing whatever it takes to make sure your side wins; and
3. Predicting the future course of actions, and using your foreknowledge to predict which side is the appropriate one for you to join.

Which Do I Prefer?

I actually believe all three methods are tied together. If you develop the ability to foresee how things will turn out before they actually happen, you can identify the winning side (in advance) and then line up on that side. Also, by foreseeing the future course of events, you will be able to identify what actions need to be taken in order to make sure your side wins. When others see the good fortune you receive, they will call you lucky.

So, all of this ultimately ties into being able to develop the ability to foresee how things will turn out, in advance.

How Does One Develop the Ability to Foresee How Things Will Turn Out Before They Actually Happen?

By paying attention and noticing things that others do not notice, that’s how. The following is a personal example that illustrates this.

In my office I have noticed, on more than one occasion, that employees have frequently asked me to use up their vacation days at the last minute.

My experience has been that most people will normally plan their vacations weeks, if not months, in advance.

What I’ve learned is that when they want to use up their vacation days at the last minute it frequently means they want to use this time for something else besides their vacation.

What might that be? Looking for another job, that’s what. By noticing they were taking their vacation days at the last minute, I have successfully predicted, on many occasions, that I would soon be looking for replacement employees. As a result of having predicted their future actions, I was better prepared when they left the company (i.e., I made sure I had copies of their notes, that they finished their open projects, etc.).

Can We Learn To Predict The Future?

Certainly. We all can learn to predict the future with a reasonable degree of certainty. All we have to do is pay attention to signs and signals that are all around us. Unfortunately, learning to see things most others do not see is NOT something that is usually taught in our schools. Instead, it is something we either have to learn for ourselves (through experience), or if we are fortunate, we may have one or more mentors to guide us.

How Will We Benefit From Being Able To Predict The Future?

We will benefit in countless way. Take the current economic crisis going on in America. Many months ago (if not longer), there were signs and indicators that the current crisis might be on the horizon.

For example, I believe people have been overpaying for their homes and real estate for several years. I also have observed that many people have mortgaged their homes to the max and used that extra “found” money for things such as vacations, cars and such. I attended many real estate seminars where promoters were telling people to mortgage their homes to the max and then invest that money into highly overpriced investment real estate. In every one of their models, they also showed what happened if real estate prices continued to rise. Never once did I see them explain the problems that would be caused if prices stopped rising or heaven forbid, started to fall.

I knew all of this was a recipe for disaster. People were going into debt to acquire money that they only had “on paper” (as it was tied into the then current value of their homes). Furthermore, they were using that “play money” for frivolous things such as vacations and highly speculative real estate. When the house of cards began to fall, I was not surprised.

As a result of not being surprised, I was able to avoid that trap. By being able to predict future events, I was able to come out on the winning side!

What Do You See Ahead?

I ask you, what are some of the trends you see over the horizon? I’m asking you to reflect on both good trends and bad trends. I would love to know what you believe is going to happen in this world over the next 5 years.

This guest article was written by Stanley F. Bronstein. Stanley is an attorney, CPA , author and professional speaker who writes about Achievement IQ™ and the Laws of Positioning™, both of which are based upon his analysis of having interviewed highly successful individuals. Stanley writes on these matters, and more, in his blog at StanleyBronstein.com.

Images from Roger Smith and Amir Fathi.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

A deadline is a budget for your time. Just like a budget for your spending can help keep you out of debt, keeping budgets for your time can keep you productive. If used appropriately, a deadline can greatly increase the chances you’ll finish a project. But if you misuse them, deadlines can just become a headache.

When Do Deadlines Work?

Deadlines can help you become more productive if:

1. You’re worried about feature creep. If your project has the tendency to expand and become larger, deadlines force you to focus on what’s most important.
2. You might procrastinate. Deadlines can push you through work you don’t enjoy. Without deadlines, some work would always be pushed until tomorrow.
3. You’re outside your comfort zone. Keeping a time limit can force you to push through fears. There’s a point when you are prepared enough and just need to move forward. Deadlines can help you find that point.
4. You need to build experience quickly. Sometimes trial and error is the best solution. It might not be pretty, but it works. Setting short deadlines force you to put your ideas to the test instead of endlessly polishing them.

Those four characteristics are all good reasons to use deadlines. I know whenever I plan a several month project, that a deadline is critical. If I leave the timeline open-ended, I will probably expand the project faster than I can complete it. Often my first step in these large projects is to pin down the date of completion.

Deadlines are also great for kicking yourself into action. If your motivation is running a bit low, you can use a time limit to beat procrastination. My productivity system is geared towards to-do lists that have either a daily or weekly deadline. Without that deadline, it would be harder to get started.

When Do Deadlines Break Down?

Deadlines can be overused, or used for reasons that aren’t appropriate. When you see the impact a deadline has on combating procrastination or finishing projects, it is easy to branch that idea into areas that don’t really work.

There are more than a few mistakes you can make when setting deadlines. Here are a few:

1) Trying to Motivate Yourself With Long-Term Deadlines

The most motivating deadline is the one that is due tomorrow. Unless your five-year project can be broken down into things you need to finish today, it won’t help you beat procrastination.

2) Setting Unrealistically Hard Deadlines

Just because you set a deadline to double your income in one month, doesn’t make it possible. Setting extremely challenging deadlines usually has the opposite effect from what was intended. As soon as you start to doubt your ability to finish in time, you’ll lose motivation to try.

3) Adding a Time Limit When You Really Need Patience

There are many areas of life where you don’t have control over how quickly results come. Setting a strict deadline in these cases is just a recipe for stress. Deadlines work best when you have 100% control over results. If you don’t have 100% control, limit your deadlines to those areas where you do have control.

You might not have complete control over how much you weigh next month, but you do have control over your diet and exercise patterns. It might be better to set a deadline for your eating habits, but not leave a specific deadline for your weight.

4) Not Writing Down Your Deadline

A deadline in your head is just a whim. Putting it onto paper gives it power. I write out every deadline I set either on paper or stored digitally. Without this record of my commitments, it is easy to back out later.

5) Failing to Research Before Setting a Deadline

If you don’t have experience with a project, how can you know the length of time needed to finish? Find people who have finished similar projects and ask them how long it took. Their estimate is far more reliable than an uninformed guess. It’s easy to be overambitious when setting deadlines and ignore the more reasonable limits set by other people.

6) Setting a Deadline Before Exploring Your Options

Sometimes setting a deadline can drastically increase the time spent on a problem. When I was working on a software project a few years ago, I set aside two months to design a large chunk of basic functions. Halfway through I realized that a plugin would complete everything I needed for less than $20.

Before you set a deadline, explore all the potential options you can think of. After you have set the deadline, it is difficult to see any options that don’t fit closely within your predefined time-limit. Even if they are much faster.

7) Be Wary When Setting Deadlines on Inflexible Projects

Deadlines work best when there is flexibility. If you have a choice about which features are added and which are ignored, a deadline is a great tool. But be careful when setting deadlines for projects without that flexibility. If you have absolutely no control over what needs to be finished, it might not be useful to emphasize a long-term deadline.

What about deadlines you haven’t set yourself? Dealing with these hard deadlines are another problem, which I previously wrote about in How to Motivate Yourself Without Hard Deadlines.

Do you have any tips or advice for setting deadlines? Please share them in the comments below.

Image by Mike9Alive.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

Often we are our own worst enemy. We make mistakes, but struggle to admit them. In some cases we try to justify our bad actions and motives, only to have our self deception heighten our mistakes.

To grow and develop we need to develop the capacity for honesty and self evaluation. It is only when we can admit where we are going wrong that we can start to put things right.

The following are some common things many of us struggle to admit. Can you see yourself in any of these?

Other’s Faults are Our Own

It is easy to pick fault with other people. In fact, often we gain a subtle enjoyment from highlighting the faults of others. If we are truly honest, however, we will see that when we criticize other people we actually have the very same weakness ourselves. Perhaps we may not make this mistake quite as frequently or as badly, but we still share it to some extent.

A funny example is how frequently people will say things like, “X is such a terrible gossip, he’s always negative and criticizing other people.” We say things like this; but ironically, we are doing exactly what we are criticizing them for! Another interesting point is that often people who grow to dislike each other are often very similar. The faults and personality traits we can’t stand in other people, are often traits of our own personality. I’m sure you can think of two people who dislike each other, but share many similarities in habits and personalities.

We are Wrong

Why can we find it so difficult to admit that we are in the wrong? It is because we worry about our ego and what others think. But, when we avoid the truth we only compound the situation and make things worse. We appreciate people who can admit they are wrong and then resolve to avoid repeating the mistake.

We are responsible for what happens in our life

When things go wrong we are tempted to blame other people and external events beyond our control. We feel a helpless victim and use excuses to justify our unhappiness. External events can definitely make things difficult, but, ultimately what counts is how we respond and deal with situations. Two people can live through the same experience, but come through with a completely different outlook.

If we wait for outer circumstances to be favorable, we may be continually waiting. We need to learn how to make the most of our fate. If we can retain a positive outlook and aspire to overcome difficulties we will be able to improve our fate. Our thoughts and inner state of mind have the capacity to draw things into our life. If we expect problems we will inevitably generate them in some form. If we are open to attracting good experiences then they will also come.

We Don’t Really Know What Makes Us Happy

Everyone has a long list of things they would like; material wealth, the right job etc. But, when we attain our desire, the happiness is fleeting and is inevitably merely replaced by another desire. For good reason, George Bernard Shaw quipped:

“There are two tragedies in life, one is to get our heart’s desire. “

Fulfillment of outer desires can, at best, give temporary happiness. True, inner happiness depends on developing inner peace not dependent on favorable occurrences in the outer world.

We are Drawn to the Negative

Our mind is instinctively drawn to negative viewpoints. We remember our mistakes, but forget our good deeds; we pick up on the faults of others, but remain blind to their good qualities. If we read a newspaper the world seems an endless stream of problems and injustice. However, this is only one perspective on life; we spend too long in a negative frame of mind and fail to see the bigger picture. There are always weeds in a garden, but we shouldn’t forget to appreciate the flowers and feel miserable for the number of weeds.

We Cannot Change Other People

We often feel that we will be able to change other people, especially those close to us. However, in practice, we cannot be responsible for others. Sometimes if we try to force change, it only makes things worse. It means we need to develop a detachment to other people. What we can do is seek to inspire, encourage and motivate them to do the right thing. We can offer support and concern, but, ultimately, it is only the other person who can change themselves.

Stress is Often of Our Own Making

In modern life it is very easy to feel excessively busy. We can easily create things to do, leading to stressful situations. Yet, many of these self appointed tasks are not as indispensable as our ego might like to admit. There is a temptation to add tasks without evaluating how essential they are. If we are determined to create time for ourselves we can do it.

Tejvan Pettinger lives in Oxford where he writes on issues of self improvement and self development. He updates a blog Sri Chinmoy Inspiration. Recent blog posts include: Five Ways to Reclaim the Energy You Waste Every Day.

Images courtesy of Cristiane Sousa and Aussiegall.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

How we achieve happiness can be different for each one of us. Our passions, expectations, life experiences, and even our personalities all contribute to the level of happiness we experience in our lives. Some find happiness in their careers while others prefer the bliss found in their marriages or other intimate relationship.

No matter how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring, and sustain, more happiness into your life. The following 14 ways to live a happy life can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and peace into your life.

1. Notice What’s Right

Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. The next time you get in the slow line at the grocery store, take the opportunity to pick up a tabloid magazine and do some “guilty pleasure” reading. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes.

2. Be Grateful

How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.

3. Remember the Kid You Were

Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!

4. Be Kind

There is no question that by merely watching acts of kindness creates a significant elevation in our moods and increases the desire for us to perform good deeds as well. Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.

5. Spend Time with Your Friends

Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.

6. Savor Every Moment

To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.

7. Rest

There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Time, as do the days on the calendar, keeps going forward at its own natural pace, which is not always the pace we would choose. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.

8. Move!

The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind - a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to increase your happiness is to move!

9. Put on a Happy Face

Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives.

10. Pursue Your Goals

The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm. pursue your goals and watch your happiness soar.

11. Finding Your Calling

Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all

12. Get into the Flow

Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can loose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.

13. Play to Your Strengths

One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we aware of our strengths and we begin to play to your strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.

14. Don’t Overdo It

Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.

This guest article was written by Alex Blackwell. Alex writes about how to improve relationships, sustain happiness and create lasting success at his blog The Next 45 Years. If you liked this article, you may also enjoy 7 Practical Personal Development Strategies.

Images by Puja, Riza and Naddsy.

Anyone who’s started a project longer than three weeks can tell you that motivation isn’t the problem. Finding something that drives you to get started isn’t hard. The difficulty comes when, several months later, you need to keep going. Where does motivation come from, and how can you make it last?

Static and Dynamic Motivation

The reason staying motivated is hard, I believe, is because we make the mistake that all motivation is the same. The motivation to get started and the motivation to get finished are actually quite different. Trying to pursue one when you need the other pushes you into a slump.

As a quick aside, I arrived at these ideas after reading Robert Pirsig’s book, Lila. It’s the intellectual sequel to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and it’s definitely worth reading. In this book, Pirsig discusses the idea that reality is based on Dynamic and Static Quality. I’d like to extend his idea into the realm of what drives people.

The two types of motivation I’m referring to are dynamic and static motivation.

Dynamic motivation: this is the force that causes you to get started and try new things. Another way of describing this form of motivation would be enthusiasm. When you are starting on something new, you’re probably running entirely on dynamic motivation.

The problem is that dynamic motivation can’t last. It’s based on novelty and it quickly hits it’s expiry date. No matter how motivated you are, you can’t keep the same level of enthusiasm for weeks and months. The newness is gone and you’re left with finishing what you’ve started.

Static motivation: this is the quiet motivation of routine and habits. It’s the motivation that comes from doing something enjoyable and familiar. You may not feel thrilled, but you quietly build the motivation to continue what you’re doing.

The problem with static motivation is that it can’t let you do anything new. It doesn’t provide the energy to start ambitious projects and make sweeping changes. But at the same time, it doesn’t burn out after a week.

Stop Relying on Dynamic Motivation to Get Work Done

I would argue that these two different forms of motivation are not really emotional states. Rather, they are more like skills that can be practiced. You wouldn’t say being productive or organized is an emotional state, so why would you claim being motivated is just a mood?

Some people are skilled with dynamic motivation. They find it easy to get excited about new projects and ideas. Some people are skilled at finding static motivation. These people find it easy to continue working hard on the same projects, day after day.

Problems occur, however, when people skilled at finding dynamic motivation, uses it to replace static motivation. They will keep searching for novelty and enthusiasm as a source of drive. As a result, it will be incredibly hard to stay attached to one project without bouncing towards another.

Staying motivated requires more than just enthusiasm. It means that a shift needs to take place once the enthusiasm starts to wear off. Once the initial novelty is gone, you need to replace that dynamic motivation with a longer-lasting, static drive. That static drive comes in the form of habits, routines and the smaller rewards of steady progress.

The Shift From Dynamic to Static

If you want to have lasting motivation, you need to become sensitive to when a shift is necessary. When you’re working on a project, you need to pay attention to when your enthusiasm starts wearing off. This is the time when you need to start building habits that can make the motivation last.

A good example of this transition is in blogging. When many new writers start a website, they will write prolifically for a few weeks. The novelty of blogging makes it hard not to write several posts a week.

But after the honeymoon phase is over, the enthusiasm wears off. Great bloggers were able to handle this phase by transitioning into a smooth posting routine. By building up the habit of a steady posting rate, they could rely on that habit to keep going. The static motivation that comes from the satisfaction of publishing another article replaced the dynamic motivation drawn from the novelty of blogging.

I’ve been writing and blogging for over two years now. After over 500 articles, the novelty of writing starts to wear off. The key to making the motivation last is finding the smaller joys that come from writing regularly.

Dynamic or Static Motivation Traps

Neither form of motivation are bad, they just serve completely different purposes. You won’t have the energy to make sweeping changes by establishing a routine. Dynamic motivation is necessary for getting started. However, if you overuse it midway through a project, you might have difficulty finishing.

Look for the transition point in your own projects. Notice when the enthusiasm starts to fade. Instead of rushing to fill that gap with another new project, build in habits that will provide static motivation. Habits and routines may not sound sexy. But they don’t need to be sexy to keep you motivated.

Images from iStockPhoto.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

Of course one option is to roll with it and hope it wears off. A better option, however, is to implement some strategies that will boost your mood and hopefully get you back on track. I am all too familiar with such slumps, so I would like to share with you the following 5 strategies that I have personally found to be most effective in counteracting them:

1. Ditch the Routine

I enjoy my daily routine, but every so often I need to throw it out the window for the sake of my sanity. Instead of waking at my normal time of 5am, I will turn off my alarm and wake up at my leisure. Or, I might leave my ipod at home and just enjoy the sounds of everyday life as I travel to and from work. Sometimes I even find that acts that are seemingly against best practice - eg getting drunk, eating greasy takeout or lying on the couch watching mindless television - are for some reason psychologically beneficial.

2. Exercise

Exercise is a fantastic way to get out of a slump. It is well known that exercise stimulates various brain chemicals, leaving you happier and more relaxed than before your worked out. And by making you look and feel better, exercise will also help increase your confidence and improve your self-esteem.

3. Do a Good Deed

I always find that doing a good deed for someone else is a win-win act because, apart from helping that person, I am left feeling better about myself. The good deed could be for someone you know - your partner, a friend or a family member. Or, you may choose to volunteer for a good cause and/ or donate to charity. Personally I find that volunteering to help the underprivileged is an especially good way to regain some perspective on life and realize things aren’t so bad after all.

4. Clear Your Mind From Clutter

Mental clutter is a major cause of falling into a rut. Over time all those things that keep getting pushed back - your taxes, replying to an email, servicing the car - can build up and cause you stress, both consciously and unconsciously. You don’t need to necessary do all these tasks to clear your mind. The key is to get them out of your head by writing them down, and then specifying the next action that is required to either complete the task or move it forwards.

5. Completely Change Direction

Sometimes a slump can be brought on by stress related to one particular project or task. These can hijack your thoughts, making it seemingly impossible to think about anything else. When this happens to me, I find it is best to put the task or project aside for a few hours, or even a few days, and do something completely different. It amazing how returning with a new, fresh mindset will allow me to get done in 1-2 hours what may have otherwise taken a whole day if I had continued to struggle along.

Any tips for getting out of a slump? Please share them in the comments below….

Peter is editor of Pick The Brain and founder of The Change Blog. If you enjoyed this article, you may also like Mind Over Mattress: How to Wake Earlier When All You Want to Do is Sleep.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

This type of thinking is flat out wrong and harmful to those who subscribe to it. The reason you CAN choose to become confident is the confidence feedback loop.

You might not be able to control your level of confidence, but you can control your actions. You can choose to act in ways that confident people act, even if you aren’t confident. I’ve experience that simply acting confident helps, but an even more important factor is the perception of others.

As one astute commenter pointed out, there is no outward difference between a truly confident person and a person who is posing as confident. The outside signals are the same, so observers perceive both people as confident. They treat both people with the admiration and respect commanded by confident people.

This is the confidence feedback loop. Once others start to treat you like a confident person, you start to believe it. The confidence you were faking before becomes real, leading to more positive feedback, leading to more confidence. It’s a virtuous cycle.

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.

Everyone knows the benefits of cooking at home vs. eating out, but when it comes to preparing meals, people are never short on excuses. ‘I don’t have the time’ and ‘I don’t know how’ are the most popular. After reading this article you won’t be able to claim either.

Eating out takes a lot longer than you think. Between looking through menus, placing orders, and waiting for delivery, the process usually takes 30-45 minutes. If you follow these basic steps, you’ll be able to prepare healthy meals at home in 15-20 minutes.

Stocking Up on Food

I hate going to the grocery store, so when I do I load up for 2-3 weeks. Although I love eating fresh produce, it goes bad quickly. Buy as much fresh produce as you can eat in a week, along with a bunch of frozen and canned food.

Some types of canned or frozen food tastes terrible, while others are surprisingly good. I absolutely hate canned vegetables, but find frozen veggies taste great. Things I buy frozen include peas, broccoli, green beans, and other vegetables. Canned foods I eat include beans, lentils, and tuna.

With meat, I generally buy massive economy packs of chicken, beef, pork, or fish. When I get home, I open up the packages, separate the meat into single meal portions, place them in baggies, and put them in the freezer. This is a great way to save money and stock up for weeks.

Perfecting your grocery list takes a bit of practice, but it makes your shopping and cooking very efficient.

Food Preparation

Preparing meals efficiently depends on a few core principles:

• Routine - Eating the same meals on a regular basis will allow you to master the process.
• Simplicity - To cook quickly, you’ll need to eat simple meals that don’t require elaborate preparations.
• Multi-tasking - Having multiple cooking processes going on at once is the key to efficiency.

The Microwave is Your Friend

The fastest and easiest way to cook is popping something in the microwave. Most of the foods I’ve mentioned above (canned/frozen vegetables and grains) don’t need any other preparation. Note that this is much different than eating pre-made microwavable meals.

A Sample Meal Walk Through

To give you a concrete idea of the process, here is a step-by-step walk through of a typical meal.

1. Start by defrosting meat in the microwave. This takes approximately 5 minutes. While the meat is in the microwave, get everything ready for the next step by pulling out vegetables and beans and preparing them for the microwave. Also, turn on your Foreman Grill (a great way to minimize clean up time) or start heating a pan on the stove so it’s already hot when the meat is ready. If you’re cooking rice or pasta, you’ll want to start boiling water a bit earlier. Personally, I’ve been hooked on beans (and much leaner) ever since I tried the slow carb diet.
2. When the meat is done defrosting, start cooking it. Immediately place your frozen vegetables in the microwave (3 min). When the vegetables are done, throw in your beans (1.5 min), or take the next step in preparing your pasta or rice, since the water should be boiling. It’s easy to do this stuff while tending your meat at the same time.
3. Throw it on a plate. By the time the meat is done, all your vegetables, beans, or grains should be ready or close to it. Apply which ever seasonings you like and enjoy.

The total preparation time should be around 15 minutes, possibly a bit longer if you decide to make pasta or rice. The resulting meals are not only easy to cook, but they’re also remarkably nutritious and inexpensive. To cut down even more on prep time, cook the meat for multiple days at once and microwave it later.

If you can enjoy simple meals and don’t mind eating the same food most of the time, you can save tons of time and money by mastering a process, multi-tasking, and utilizing the speed of microwaving.

What are your healthy and efficient cooking tips?

Image by mullingitover

Originally posted at PickTheBrain a weblog dedicated to self improvement and motivation.